An unfamiliar reflection

Dear Delilah,

I’m selfish. It’s not an easy thing to admit but as my body enters a state it’s never known, I find myself feeling less beautiful. Being 20lbs heavier than I’ve ever been isn’t easy. Growing out of all of my favorite clothes was no fun & trying on new clothes is a nightmare. When I used to wear mediums, a 1XL can feel like a punch to the gut. I lather my body in lotion daily but I still watch as pink lines stretch across my sides. I’m considerably slower & I tire abnormally fast. My body aches from carrying you & the extra weight puts pressure on my already sucky joints. Sitting hurts my tailbone, standing hurts my ankles, & laying down hurts my back; what’s left for a girl to do? Your dad reminds me every day how pretty I am. He says he’s never seen a more beautiful version of me. We really hit the jackpot with him. He’s the definition of the word beautiful in the most raw, pure form. There are days that his compliments are reassuring & when they’re not, I’m reassured by you. You remind me that I’m stretching, so you can grow. I’m tired, so you can rest. My breasts are growing to feed & nourish you. I have trouble breathing so you can breathe with ease. I complain but I promise I wouldn’t have it any other way. In approximately 5 weeks I’ll hold you in my arms & part of me will miss feeling your hiccups inside of me. I’ll miss having you all to myself & most of all, I’ll miss being all that you need. 

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Author: dreamingofdelilah

My journey of becoming a mother & the adventures that follow.

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