Are you ever ready?

Dear Delilah,

I’m terrified. I don’t know how to make this transition into motherhood. The time is nearing when you’re going to make your arrival & no article or pinterest blog can help me now. Up to this point caring for you has only required me to care for myself. How do I know what to do? I find comfort in the fact that mothers have been doing this quite literally since the beginning of mankind. Does every mother feel this way? Forgive me when I’m irritated with you for keeping me up for days & when I want to pull my hair out because you won’t stop crying & I’ve tried everything. I promise I’ll do the best I can. I’ve never been given a bigger responsibility than to raise up a human being. As you’re growing up & experiencing things for the first time, remember it’s a first for me too. We’re learning together. Forgive me when I’m too hard on you, or too much of a pushover. Forgive me when I’m overly protective, I promise your skinned knee will probably hurt me more than it hurts you. This is going to be one heck of a ride but I promise I’ll be the best I can be, for you.

An unfamiliar reflection

Dear Delilah,

I’m selfish. It’s not an easy thing to admit but as my body enters a state it’s never known, I find myself feeling less beautiful. Being 20lbs heavier than I’ve ever been isn’t easy. Growing out of all of my favorite clothes was no fun & trying on new clothes is a nightmare. When I used to wear mediums, a 1XL can feel like a punch to the gut. I lather my body in lotion daily but I still watch as pink lines stretch across my sides. I’m considerably slower & I tire abnormally fast. My body aches from carrying you & the extra weight puts pressure on my already sucky joints. Sitting hurts my tailbone, standing hurts my ankles, & laying down hurts my back; what’s left for a girl to do? Your dad reminds me every day how pretty I am. He says he’s never seen a more beautiful version of me. We really hit the jackpot with him. He’s the definition of the word beautiful in the most raw, pure form. There are days that his compliments are reassuring & when they’re not, I’m reassured by you. You remind me that I’m stretching, so you can grow. I’m tired, so you can rest. My breasts are growing to feed & nourish you. I have trouble breathing so you can breathe with ease. I complain but I promise I wouldn’t have it any other way. In approximately 5 weeks I’ll hold you in my arms & part of me will miss feeling your hiccups inside of me. I’ll miss having you all to myself & most of all, I’ll miss being all that you need. 

Who will you be?

Dear Delilah,

You bring me so much joy, it’s unreal. It is strange to love someone you know nothing about. I can’t tell you if you’ll be a dancer, a soccer player, or an artist. I don’t know if you’ll listen to country music, screamo, or jazz. Will you be into romantic comedies like me or action movies like your dad? I have no clue, but I am so eager to learn. I promise to always encourage your individuality. I will never diminish the things that make you unique. No matter what adventures you decide to embark on, I promise I will always be there supporting your dreams. When you fall, I will be there to pick you up & remind you to never give up on yourself. There will be times you envy the talents of others. In those moments I will remind you of the skills that make you special. When I was younger I wanted to be a dancer. I tried out for the school drill team & cheer squad & made neither. The truth is the only kind of dancing I can do is “Just Dance”. However, I’ve got countless medals from singing competitions & was awarded Best Actress in my college. Those are the gifts God chose for me, what will he choose for you? As I lie in bed every night I try to picture you, but there are still so many questions unanswered. Will your hair be red like your dad’s? Will you have my brown eyes or his freckles? How is it possible to love someone so unconditionally when you’ve never even met them? I can’t quite answer all of these questions but I know one thing for certain; Delilah Rain, I can’t wait to meet you.