A working mom

Dear Delilah,

I feel like my life is a wreck. The last 48 hours have nearly made me lose my mind. Your dad left yesterday morning for a work trip. Any military wife will tell you things fall apart once their husbands are away. I also started work yesterday & you went to daycare for your first time. I wish it was your last. I used to spend every waking moment with you, now you spend it with someone else. You used to wake up from your naps & smile so big when you opened your eyes & I was there. Has your smile faded with my presence? Do you miss my warmth while they’re feeding you? I miss yours.. As the day goes on my breasts become full of milk as my body screams to feed you. Someone else now has the privilege of raising you. Remember that once I did more than wake you up in the morning & put you to sleep at night. Once I was a daytime mommy too. I hope they hold you. I hope they love & cherish you. You’re only getting a fourth of the attention you used to receive. I promise you’ll always have my attention when you’re home. I was raised with a stay at home mother. I found comfort knowing she was always there. She was there when I scraped my knee or didn’t feel good. She was there for all life’s big things. Will I see you sit up for the first time? Will I see your first steps? In the blink of an eye I’ve become the busy mom. I used to spent half an hour with you every morning exchanging smiles & giggling. This morning as you cried for me I apologized for having to get ready, having to feed the dogs, pack lunch, & your diaper bag. After work I have to find time to bathe you & myself, feed us both dinner, wash dishes, wash our clothes.. I can’t breathe. Yesterday I held you as you slept. Out of nowhere you began crying & screaming in your sleep. I just held you so tightly against me and cried with you. What are your nightmares made of? I wish so badly that I could starve your fears. I hope you know that I love you more than life itself. I know you’ll soon forget spending everyday together but I’ll never forget. Thank you for loving me & thank you for giving me a new purpose for living. 

Creating your space

Dear Delilah,

Your nursery is coming along beautifully. I wish I knew what kinds of things you are going to be passionate about so I could decorate accordingly. As your dad & I fill your bookshelf (that he made by the way) with books from our friends & family, I can’t wait to read to you. As we set up the rocking chair, I know we will spend many nights there, holding you close. Your walls are covered with signs made & purchased by people who love you & your dad’s poem to you is framed by your bedside.

Your bedding was handmade by your Aunt Trisha who already loves you so so much. 

Your closet is stocked with more clothes than you’ll ever be able to wear, but you’re guaranteed to be the best dressed baby around. 

& should I even bring up your future shoe addiction? 

Your nursery brings me so much happiness but I can’t wait to make this house a home when you make your big arrival soon.