Pros & Cons of the military life. 

Dear Delilah,

You’re an army brat. 

I know this doesn’t mean much to you yet but it will. There are pros & cons to every life style. Here are a few of the pros & cons to ours. 

Pro: The military made a man out of your father. It taught him discipline & respect. In a world full of chaos, the army gave him structure. Because of this, he is able to provide structure to our home. His leadership skills allow him to be the leader in our family.

Con: The military owns him. When the army says jump, he’s required to say how high; no matter the cost. 

Pro: We get to see beautiful places. Both of us are Texas natives so the mountains & north country of New York was a beautiful place to call home for a brief period. 

Con: We may never be somewhere long enough for you to put down roots, leave your handprint in the porch cement or build a clubhouse in the yard. You won’t graduate with your pre-k friends or date the same boy all through grade school. 

Pro: We were able to cut ties with our pasts. Growing up in a small town where everybody knows everybody seems like a fairy tale. However, when everyone remembers who you were, how are you supposed to become who you’re meant to be? It seems like everyone is stuck in a rut & because of the military we were able to get out of ours. 

Con: Change is a necessity. You’ll learn quickly that I hate change. We’ll change cities, houses, schools, churches, etc. We’ll have to find new jobs & make new friends. As soon as you’re comfortable, your whole world will be turned upside down. 

Pro: Our bills are paid. We will never go without food or have our electricity cut off. We have running water & gas in our vehicles. Also, we will never have to worry that you will get sick or hurt & we won’t be able to afford it. 

Con: Distance is inevitable. The army doesn’t care about your 6th birthday party, your awards ceremony, or your talent show. Daddy won’t make it to all your soccer games or choir concerts. There will be Christmases we open presents without him & Father’s day cards we send him in the mail. 

Pro: Every minute together is precious. Arguments rarely happen because we cherish each moment. We know that each second fighting is a second wasted. We love fiercely. We laugh & have game nights & cuddle on the couch. We make coffee late at night so we can stay up & watch movies. We enjoy life together. Your dad does such a wonderful job making every minute count when he is home. There are definitely highs & lows but boy are the highs high. Everyday we are together is like a dream & just like I have, you’ll learn to hold onto that feeling until he comes home. ❤ 

Finding your father

Dear Delilah,

Every story of love is different, but here’s ours. 

Your dad & I went to school together but I was a good kid & he was.. not. lol Sometimes I wish I had known sooner that he was the one. The truth is, I don’t think it would’ve changed anything. We were too different & we weren’t yet the people that God intended us to be when we crossed paths. 

After my first real relationship in high school, I’d kind of given up on finding anything beautiful. The truth is I had never witnessed a healthy relationship so I had no idea what I was looking for. After graduation I started compiling a list of character traits I would demand in a significant other. This kept me from settling for every cute guy I saw. 

He needed to:

  • Love God
  • Love people
  • Communicate
  • Make me laugh
  • Respect his mama
  • Be intelligent

There were more but there’s a few. 

New Years 2015 I ran into your dad at a party that we both kind of got roped into going to. I know you’re probably thinking “Y’all were each others New Years kiss & spent the night together under the stars.” Not at all. Your dad cheesily asked me to “stay & cuddle” after having a different NYE kiss. lol It sounds terrible I know, but he had no way of knowing he was talking to his future wife. 

Although I obviously denied his cuddling proposal, I felt the strangest sense of connection to him. It was the weirdest thing but I knew I couldn’t let that be the end of it, whatever “it” was. 

In the most humble way, guys always made the first move with me so I had no idea what to do so I thought “Facebook.. Duh”. Well we were already Facebook friends. I absolutely could not message him. What in the world would I say? So I deleted him off Facebook & sent him a friend request. Silly, I know. BUT guess who woke up to a message from your father? Got him, hook, line, & sinker. 

By this time he was already heading back to New York where the Army had him stationed so we talked all day & all night while he drove. We talked about our dreams, our fears, our families, our pasts, & our futures. We talked about things we had never told anyone & somehow we knew that we could trust each other. We did this for days. 

What you’ve got to understand Delilah is that through pain you learn to build up walls & I had so many walls up. It terrified me how easily your dad got in. He didn’t slowly break down the walls, he walked straight through them. 

Growing up with a lot of best friends, I always told them everything. But how do you admit to anyone that you think you’re falling in love with someone after a week? It sounds absolutely absurd. 

On day 12 your dad tried to push me away. That took me by surprise because if you knew me as a teenager you would know that I’m the queen of pushing people away. After making it clear that I wasn’t going anywhere your dad broke down & told me that he loved me & he was terrified that these emotions were consuming him. 

Love is scary Delilah. It’s the strongest force we know as human beings & it’s hard to fight it.

So we gave in. Two broken, heart breakers, who feared love & commitment. & it was the best decision we ever made. 

We started officially dating on Feb. 8. We were apart for the first 5 months before finally seeing each other. I can’t explain the way it felt to watch his eyes light up when he talked about things he was passionate about or see his smile. I could finally reach out & touch him, hold his hand, or play with his hair. 

The next time I saw your dad after that, we got engaged & then married the next day. July 17, 2015. I know, we broke all the rules. No big ceremony, no pampering, or bachelorette party. Married after only 6 months of dating but we knew. I can’t explain it but our marriage is the happiest & healthiest marriage I’ve ever seen. We’re partners in all aspects of life. We encourage, comfort, & love each other. We communicate & make one another strive to be the best version of ourselves every single day. I love him Delilah, & I know you will too. 

I’ll write a separate blog to talk about a few of our adventures. Stay tuned.